Chauffeur and Rental Car Representative…at Your Disposal!

By now it should come as no surprise that what I do for a living comes  with the extra added bonus of working pretty much 24 hours with the concept that the words “plan” and “confirmed” are loosely laid out since things change constantly and up until the last-minute.  Hence,  “Always, Never & Sometimes, Maybe”.  I would love to be able to say that my boss’ plans are “confirmed”, but I know the minute I utter that tiny word, he will call and say he would like to change them.  So, I basically know I need to have back up ideas in my mind, all the time.

This particular gem I’m about to share also shows that he has no concept that my job can actually get done if I am able to utilize the resources and capabilities of other people who hold jobs in order to help others.  Point and case.  A chauffeur…whose job is to drive someone around who doesn’t want to have to drive.  Also, a rental car representative, whose job it is to rent you a car when you don’t have one readily available.  In fact, they will even deliver the car right to your doorstep!  It’s amazing.  It’s all a part of this world we live in and this thing called “customer service”.  Well, those ideas are all lost in my world.

So, here’s the tale.  My boss was in Baltimore, visiting a health resort for body, mind & spirit.  The irony, right?   In any case,  he is there.  On a side, note…I had flown out with him about 3 weeks prior to drop him off at said resort and make sure he got checked in safe and sound.  So, three weeks later, he calls and says he wants to go to Washington D.C. for the weekend and needs me to help him rent a car.  No, problem I say.  I will call you back and let you know what I find out there.  I call one of the rental companies and tell them what I need and where my boss is located.  They assure me they can drop the car off to him or they can pick him up and bring him to the company to pick up the car.  I can book everything online and he won’t have to worry about a thing.  Perfect!  I call him back and tell him they will drop off the car to the resort and even pick it back up, they charge a little extra, but it’s not much.  I don’t wait for a “thank you, sounds great”, because those words have never been spoken.  But at the very least, I was hoping for an “okay, thanks”.  Yes, that was too much to hope for.  He says to me “I don’t think that’s going to work.  Why don’t you come bring the car to me, just to make sure nothing goes wrong”.  I almost spit out my water.  And, what’s funny, is I don’t know why this comes as such a shock to me.  Sure, yes…of course that makes sense.  It makes perfect sense that I should fly from LA to Baltimore for 1 day in order to ensure you receive your rental car.  I’m sure they have no idea what they’re doing over there in those silly little rental car companies.  So, per usual, I say “Sure, let me check the flights and I’ll let you know when I can get out there”.  I don’t even bother to call my husband and tell him, because I know this will make for amazing dinner conversation tonight as I’m being served my 4th martini.

I book the flight, the rental car and my hotel and 3 days later, I’m off to Maryland!  When I arrive, I pick up the car, check into the hotel and then drive to get the car to my boss.  I arrive and let the front desk know I am here for him.  He comes out of his room looking disheveled and in a rush.  He says hello and then pulls me off to the side and leans down from his 6’6″ frame.  “Misty, I’m breaking out of here.  Let’s go”.  I look at him with complete and utter terror, I’m sure.  “What?!” I say.  “What do you mean?”  He tells me he does not want to be there anymore and they have him on a program so he isn’t supposed to leave, but now that I’m here, it’s the perfect opportunity.  I think my heart just stopped.  Literally just stopped beating.  Surely, this cannot be reality.  But, oh…it is.  It’s my reality.  So, we go to his room and he starts packing clothes and then starts packing EVERYTHING.  Every.  single.  thing he brought with him.  One of the employees comes in and says “You’re just going out for the day, right?  We’ll see you back this evening?”.   My boss smiles and says “yes, I’m just going to D.C. for the day and I’ll be back”.  I just stand there and look stupid.  We pack up and leave.

We get into the car and I drive (this is where I become the chauffeur for the day).  He tells me we’re headed to D.C. for the day to look around.  This is NOT what I had planned.  I thought I was dropping off the car to him, then heading back to the hotel for a nice little dinner and going back to LA in the morning.  Well, nope.  Plans changed.  Just like that.  So, in all of my no sense of directions ignorance, I try to figure out how to make it to Washington D.C.  in a car with my boss from a city I’ve never been to before.  Clearly, I’m not doing very well and he can sense my nervousness because he tells me he wants to drive.  I gladly hand over the keys.

We make it to D.C. and he parks the car.  On a sidewalk.  Literally.  Just parks it there and gets out of the car with his camera.  By this point, I don’t even question it.  I just get out of the car and know that when we return, there will be a gift called a Parking Citation waiting for us.

We walk around the city, looking at statues, monuments and even going into the museums.  It was actually quite nice for a second.   We walked for probably 4 hours.  He took a lot of pictures and then decided he was headed back to the resort.  I didn’t ask why and didn’t even think about the fact that he had packed everything into his car and had planned not to come back.  Maybe the fresh air in another city knocked him back into his senses.  We got back to the car, I grabbed the parking ticket and plopped it in my purse.  He started to drive off the curb and I’m pretty sure something fell out of the bottom of the car as it went from the sidewalk, to curb, to street.  As we drove, he decided to stop and eat.  He found a little sushi restaurant and tried to parallel park.  While doing so, he managed to side-swipe a vehicle, scraping the side of our car and knocking the side mirror off and then proceeded to back into another car.  As he got out, he said “well, I guess that’s what rental car insurance is for”.  Oh. my. God.  Can this be over already?

So, we eat and then he starts driving back to the resort.  It’s getting dark by now.  I realize I need to have a car pick me up from the resort and take me to my hotel as quickly as humanly possible by the time we arrive back there.  I manage to do it all online and through email without having to get on the phone and disrupt him while he’s driving.  45 minutes later, he pulls up and gets out of the car.  We unload all of his stuff back into his room and I tell him I will see him when he’s back.  He tells me to have a safe flight back in the morning.  I stand outside and wait for my car.  I cry.  I’m exhausted, not only physically, but emotionally.

I make it back to LA in one piece.  A week later I get a bill from the rental car company.  He has put $3,000 worth of damage on the car.  I pay it and sigh as I try to explain it to his house manager.  A week after that, he arrives back to his office from the resort.  I squint, I peek, I try with all my might to see if it’s done him any good to be there.  Is he enlightened?  Refreshed?  Is he calm?  Has he been doing yoga or anything like that?  Meditation?  I blink my eyes, stare at him, listen for an ounce of self-reflection.  I know it’s coming.  It must be.  It can’t all be for not, right?  He then says “Thank you for coming all the way out to Baltimore to help me”.  It’s a glimpse.  It’s there, there is someone in there with the slightest bit of empathy.  Baby steps.  Baby steps….